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Nothing says "welcome home" from your vacation like a disemboweled Hello Kitty backpack on the carpet surrounded by thousands of bits of fluffy white kitty stuffing.
Thanks dogs.

Day 7 Kauai -

The trip is winding down, and so are we. Amber Smith said in a comment that vacations aren't called vacations when you have kids, they're called adventures. I second that wholeheartedly. This has been one hell of an adventure. Today we woke up LATE (like 7 o'clock!) and leisurely made our way to our favorite beach so I could snorkel along the reef that forms the cove. When it gets to this portion of a trip I always get kind of melancholy and nostalgic for the days that have just passed, and I sat in the passenger seat, watching the rainforest pass by, the huge vines overtaking many of the trees. It's an almost perfect drive, crossing one lane bridges – smelling the new rain, seeing taro fields alongside a meandering river, all flanked by huge mountains on one side, the pristine blue ocean on the other. This place is absolutely ridiculous. The picture is just one snapped from the side of the car going 50 – I happened to catch this waterfall that we didn't even see going up...

At the beach, I was assaulted by blue – the sky meets the ocean and there are so many different shades of blue that hit you – it's pretty amazing. We met another chick and her mom, and Isla splashed around with Tegan while I swam around – staying pretty shallow, because I forgot to get flippers, and um, I'm not the strongest swimmer around. Still, I got to see a ton of colorful fish flitting about among the coral and rocks – even some eels and what looked like seahorses – although they were probably just another type of fish. Whatever, they were cool. What is not cool is a 12 dollar snorkel mask that lets water in the nose area and snorting salt water while in about 16 feet of water, then forgetting one is in said water and inhaling without the snorkel in one's mouth, then sputtering one's way back to the shallow area where two redheaded girls aged about 7 giggle at one's antics. That's dumb.

Near-drownings aside, the snorkel trip was beautiful – Isla even fell asleep in the car on the way home, so we got to listen to songs without her wailing soundtrack in the background, just the phenomenal scenery to keep us company. Then we relaxed and ate safeway sandwiches on the lawn of the hotel, while Isla chased chickens and “beep bops” (the name she has dubbed the little black birds with yellow beaks and eye coloring that scare her with their loud blue-jay like cries). After a walk around the coconut marketplace laughing at the stuff they try and sell tourists like us, I somehow convinced Tegan to let me go out and swim and chill by the ocean by myself while Isla took her second nap. Our beach by the hotel is a little more “extreme” than the one we swam at today – but it was fun nonetheless.

O.K. Reality check. Tegan and I are in denial about taking toddlers to restaurants. We still think that we'll be able to enjoy a nice dinner at a sit down place sometime – that Isla will magically relax and hang out quietly in one of those wooden high chairs while we laugh and chat about our day, then eat a child's portion of whatever delicious morsels we have ordered for our meal. Dude. Get a grip. We went to a nice italian restaurant called “Kauai Pasta” and the minute she was placed in the high chair the outing went to crap. She began screaming, then reaching for the knives on the table, banging them as hard as she could against a plate. Once we wrestled the plate and knives from her, she wailed again – now the tourists in the restaurant, trying to enjoy themselves, started to glower over their sunburnt noses at us. Damn. OK- we've done this before – we'll just take turns. I eat half the salad, then Tegan hands Isla off to me, and I go outside with her until the food arrives. We hurriedly stuff our faces while blowing on some pasta bits to cool them down for Isla as she throws whatever piece of food she can get as far as she can in every direction – the tradeoff happens anew, and we shovel pasta and steak in our face in record time. I think the food was good – but I don't know – it was all a blur. When we will get it in our thick heads that we can't do this anymore for awhile, I don't know. Maybe never – I mean, she might be able to handle our favorite restaurant when we get back to the bay, right?


As I write this, I'm watching my baby, beautiful for all of her outrageousness, just in diapers, eating goldfish off of the carpet, and I'm thinking how happy I am to be a dad, in this place... anywhere.
Happy end of the vacation everybody. Goodnight.

Day 6 Kauai

Day 6 Kauai -

Today was recuperation day for the Gardner clan. We had reached the point of saturation, so spent the day close by our hotel room – venturing out only for food and a lens cap for the camera after the last one was mysteriously misplaced. The rest was welcomed heartily by all – even Isla was mellow today (unless she was placed into the car seat, which now creates an instantaneous ear splitting yowl – that strangely enough can only be countered by making meow sounds at her, to which she can't help but reply in her own meow). I finished yet another vampire book – The Strain by Guillermo del Toro and some other dude... I highly recommend this as well. It was scary and Blade-like. All this while lounging at the beach or by the pool. I love days like this.

We did go for a little walk, if for nothing else than to actually use the stroller we purchased at wal-mart on an earlier excursion. This walk was a test of my manhood in its purest form - anyone who can push a tiny pink stroller with Dora the explorer all over it around without batting an eyelash is a real man - let me tell you. Right?

For dinner I finally got my sushi, at a little restaurant that was perfect for Isla – it had this courtyard garden with a koi pond that either Tegan or I could whisk Isla away to whenever she freaked out – which nowadays is frequent at any sit down dinner. On one of these excursions to the pond Isla spotted a gecko on the side of the pond, and excitedly started to meow at it. I, being the heroic and brave dad that I am, decided I was going to catch this wild beast and present it to my young princess. Too bad that the gecko was hella dead, and when I touched it it sort of fell apart and it's body fell into the pond, where it was, I'm sure – promptly eaten by one of the koi inside. I hope Isla isn't traumatized, because I think I am.

We sugared up with our 5th of 7 shave ices – while the sun went down no less - and as I write this, Isla has turned on the hotel radio to “American Boy” and is demonstrating some new dance moves she invented for the trip. One consists of her left leg raising and lowering, much like a sumo wrestler's stomp – only infinitely more cute. The other is a rip-off of Jennifer Beals' running in place from flashdance. They both are going to last until 11, I'm sure, because of the sugar... We're such good parents. Tomorrow is our snorkeling day – So I need to get my rest...

Kauai Day 5

Day 5 Kauai


Today was a long, long day. We broke the 6:00 barrier by three minutes, and lounged around the hotel room for an hour or so – eating the apple-bananas (yes, you heard right – bananas that taste of apples) and pineapple I bought yesterday at a farmer's market from a lady who was a bonafide hustla of fruit, and drinking coffee. And showing Isla how to put stuff into drawers when she takes things out – an endless supply of fun for her and work for us.

We decided to go on a hike today – the book said it was 1.8 miles into waimea canyon each way. No problem, we thought, we go 1.8 miles in our sleep. Possibly, Aaron and Tegan, but not likely. Anyway – we drove to the south of the island, up through the brick-red mountains until we got to the top of Waimea canyon. There we packed up Isla into her armored humvee of a baby carrier and were off. Now, the hike began wonderously, with the fog still in on the Na Pali coast, and the canyon obscured by this eerie white cloud so high up. The walk was easy enough, with some slippery slopes in places, but overall no problem. Then things got a little hairy. Over one of the hills, we noticed that the trail seemed to just sort of drop off. Upon closer inspection, it was revealed that the trail was this washed out mudplain, where there were small grooved footholds carved in among the various roots that stuck out. The vertical drop-off was about 10 feet. Ok if you're a dude with amazing balance and agility – not OK if you have a baby strapped to your chest or back. And this wasn't the first of these drop offs – they continued for a good ¾ of a mile or so – Isla beginning to sense our state of mind and starting to howl like a banshee after the first one. We were determined to get to wherever the hell this trail was supposed to go, I had forgotten by now, consumed completely with not letting my wife and only daughter fall to their deaths in the Valley thousands of feet below us with sheer cliffs on our right and left. Whose idea was this hike anyway?

Fortunately, after about an hour of agonizingly slow foot-placement along the paths, we found our way to where the book said our hike BEGINS! WTF? We've been killing ourselves to get here and this is where it begins? OK, fine. I get it, this is a test to see if we are truly adventurous parents or just really stupid. It turns out, we're not completely stupid – because the rest of the hike is “paved” with a boardwalk of 2X10 boards with chicken wire over the top, since we are now hiking through what is apparently the highest swamp in the world, and would sink up to our knees if it weren't for the boards. Maybe we should have thought twice about hiking in flip flops.

When we got to the end of our hike, I came to a realization. 1 mile for people with no small children = 10 miles for people with them. Why doesn't anybody write this anywhere? So it took us roughly 2 hours to hike two miles. That's an average hiking speed of 1 MPH... easy tiger. Slow or not, there were several things that made this hike awesome. 1 – Isla was in a good mood for most of it, she slept in the carrier for a good 45 minutes of the hike back out. (although the times she was not so happy completely sucked). 2 – the scenery was otherworldly – with fog in places, mist, ferns, and echoing birdcalls the whole way, not to mention breath taking vistas every time we came to a clearing. And finally – reason # 1, 345 why I love my wife: when we were going through a particularly dense section of the forest, I overheard her talking to Isla, saying: “this is where the Ewoks live...” completely unprompted from me. Hell Yeah that's where the Ewoks live! I thought, and commenced acting out a scene from Return of the Jedi in my mind.

The hike ended up being exhausting but well worth it, and we drug our tired butts to a pizza place for ridiculously expensive pizza and geckos on the wall. Day 5 ended with rum & cokes at the pool and a zombie movie on the computer at night while Isla slept soundly. Sweet.

Kauai Day 4 "RIP Mike"

Day 4 Kuaui

Morning was 5:56, 11 minutes later than yesterday! Good morning sunshine.



Today we decided to head north to Hanalei, which is this idyllic little town in the rainforest of the Na Pali coast. It was a favorite place to go during our honeymoon – so we thought we'd share the experience with a 15 month old... In order to get there, we had to go through this place called Princeville. Princeville is tantamount to the “hills” vs. the flatland in Oakland – hella ritzy, with 6 million dollar homes dotting the landscape with their priceless views. We stopped at a Chevron station for some food at 7:30 or so, because they supposedly had some good food there. Tell that to Isla, who threw up some bacon and cheese breakfast burrito all over the front steps of the realtor office across the street. She's either a very political little kid, or the burrito sucked. I personally think it was both. Since we were in Princeville, we decided to see what it had to offer in terms of free stuff to do – and it turns out that there is a short trail to a lava tidepool called “Queen's Bath” here that is pretty amazing, according to the books. Off we went.

The path to this place started off of a golf course – not too promising. Throw in the fact that there was a parking lot for the trailhead, and a ton of people piling out of another rental car to our right, and we have the recipe for a retarded venture. Oh well, we aren't ones to back down from a fiasco, so we hopped out of the car and began the iditarod that is trying to put her into the ergo-baby baby carrier. We had finally latched the penultimate latch on this behemoth when the skies opened up and it began to pour, to pour like a true monsoon. Of course, right. We ducked back inside our PT Cruiser to see if we could wait out the downpour – after a little while we started to feel stupid, I mean it wasn't ACID rain or anything, what the hell... so we went out... no problem, the rain even quit as we made our way down the first set of stairs cut into the rock of this hill. However, the red clay stuff that is everywhere gets really, really slippery when it's wet, and I, who have the aforementioned reflexes of a cat, fell first thing I could, probably pulling every muscle in my back on the way down. Whatever, though, I'm still a trooper, so we carried on down the path, past a beautiful waterfall that I filed away for a place to swim on the way back up, and onto the lava rock beach below. There were several signs on the beach saying how extremely dangerous an undertaking it was to swim in the tidepools because of rip currents and large waves and sharks and dinosaurs and stuff, but we were determined to do this... onward we went. Finally approaching the pool itself required a bit of rock climbing with baby – which should be a new sport for parents, in my opinion – but we made it down, and it was pretty awesome. There were about ten people milling around or snorkeling, but everyone was nice, and a kid even brought over a box of peas for Isla. I thought they were for her to eat, and I was thinking that this kid was weird to bring a box of frozen peas anyway – but his mom told us to have her throw them in the water – she did, and a myriad of colorful fish immediately made their way over to us, enthralling Isla, and even nibbling my toes when I jumped in myself – it's a pretty phenomenal experience to be swimming in a calm lava pool with fishes while waves crash all around you and your daughter watches. On the way back up, I couldn't resist trekking through the mud to the waterfall and standing under it for a few minutes – if for no other reason than to wash off the salt water. This adventure turned out to be far from retarded.

Driving further to finally get to Hanalei, we realized that it was only 10:00, and none of the food places would be open – so we decided to hot foot it to the northernmost beach on the island, Ke'e beach (another calm beach, since it is protected by reefs all around it), and get some beach time in for Isla. I can't stress how beautiful this drive is... if you haven't come to Kauai before it's not like anything else in Hawaii – it's ridiculous. Anyway – we got to the beach and found out that about 75 million other people had the same idea today – or at least there were that many cars there. The beach is also the trailhead for a famous overnight hike, so a lot of people park there for that too. We had to park HELLA far from the beach itself and walk to it, past this creepy cave where every thing is silent except for a drip, drip, drip sound from the ceiling into its deep pool below. Last time we were here, I actually swam in this pool, feeling like Gollum from the Hobbit – but this time Tegan specifically forbade it – citing the various nefarious diseases I would and probably had contracted from such a foray. At the mouth of the cave there were these chickens that weren't afraid of anything at all – Isla finally got to catch her chicken, as they ate goldfish crackers from my hand. Then she promptly got scared and gave up chicken hunting for good.

At the beach it was gorgeous. For about 20 minutes. Then the rain started again, hard. We kind of laughed for a second, but it started to get ridiculous – everyone on the beach was running for cover under trees, umbrellas, towels, chickens, whatever they could grab. Isla and I just stood in the rain, enjoying ourselves with a couple of spearfishermen who were washing off their gear... I don't know, maybe it's because I come from a place with such little rain – but if I can be outside in it, I will – and this rain was warm...in all, not so Hawaii-like this time, but fun nonetheless.

After the beach, in Hanalei itself, we got what are called plate lunches at this little deli we had been to before, inside the place, the TV was on with no sound, and all there was on the screen was a huge picture of Michael Jackson – I thought: “Damn, Hawaiians sure love them some Michael,” and then we went to eat blissfully on the lawn outside. It wasn't until a couple hours later that we got back to the hotel and I heard that he had died. Now, I know Michael Jackson was a big deal to a lot of people – he sold gajillions of copies of Thriller, so it must have been many other kid's first real album too – but damn. He's dead. No more weird stories, no more possibility for redemption – good thing that music is recorded, though – because we'll always have stuff like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_hz2am90Hk

Ok, back to vacation – maybe it was this unexpected news, or maybe fate – but the day took a real nose dive after that. We came back to the hotel, where Tegan wanted a rest, so I took Isla to the pool by myself to swim. She was cool for a few minutes, either in her little starfish floaty, or jumping off the ledge into my arms – but then neither of those were good enough – she wanted to do everything RIGHT NOW!!! and I couldn't keep up with her changing whims... was it jumping NO! Splashing? NO! Running around the grass? NO! Jesus, it was like trying to calm a hurricane. It got to the point that she was so frustrated with my lack of entertainment quality that she just lay down on the pool patio and screamed. This was disconcerting to say the least, and I don't think the cute little honeymooners or the old ass couple in the hot tub when it was 80 degrees out liked it either – so back up we went to the room. Then, I wanted to get sushi for dinner, I had been craving sushi – I love sushi dammit... so we decided to go to a place close by that was really good. We forgot that we had a baby, however – as we arrived with her screaming in her carseat, saw the line out the door, remembered it was a sit-down place, we realized that there was no way this was going to happen. So we got back in the car, drove back to the hotel and went to the little cafe next door. It was in this cafe that I met my arch-nemesis – the beef teryaki from hell. It tasted like shoes and socks with a little bit of ass thrown in for good measure. WTF? This is Hawaii – everything is supposed to be good. Not only that, but Isla thought it would be hilarious to A. throw ketchup, mayonnaise, and relish packets around like they were dollars and she was Lil Wayne at a strip club, B. pick up a piece of bird poop and give it to me, and C. scream like we were kidnapping her all the way back to the hotel room. We finally got her to sleep right now, after tricking her by turning off all the lights, and fake sleeping next to her... she finally just got tired of being awake, I guess. At least we got to eat another shave ice (#4 of 7) -------------------------------------------->

Moral of this story is: don't try and have fun when Michael Jackson dies. It doesn't work.

Day 3 Kauai The Shotgun

Day 3 - Kauai

We got up at 5:45 this morning – a good 15 minutes after our waking time yesterday – woo! After a leisurely coffee intervention in the hotel room, watching a ton of tourists watching the sun rise, we went out for some, umm, more coffee. Fully caffeinated, we decided to go on a hike to a waterfall we hadn't seen – so it was off into the hills of Kauai – past the Kapa'a Elementary school and high school – up into a neighborhood that I would kill to live in. We parked next to somebody's house and walked across the street to this little dirt road that went alongside a pasture with a few curious cows and a bunch of herons. After a little bit of walking with Isla on Tegan's back, we came to the stream itself – then a few more yards brought the waterfall – complete with Passionfruit, ferns, vines and moss... lovely. Isla played and posed a bit for the camera, then we decided to continue on the path – which was now pretty slick from last night's rain – to try and find another waterfall. Bad idea. The second waterfall was supposedly down this steep ravine – one which I, with my catlike agility, was able to maneuver with ease... however, Tegan stumbled at the beginning, handed Isla to me, then proceeded to slide the entire way down on her butt. Keep in mind, Kauai's natural soil is red clay, that people use to die clothing, because it stains. A lot. When she had finally scootched her way down the ravine, I gave Tegan the bad news – the trail had washed out. Oops. Back up we went – Tegan muttering things under her breath... I pretended she was whispering how much she loved me... It didn't really work.

Back to the hotel for swimming and sleeping it was. Isla was in a marathon sleep mood – so during probably the most beautiful part of the day, from about 10:00 – 1:00 PM, we watched her sleep from the balcony, enjoying the sun and beach, about 10 yards away from our hotel room prison. She looked peaceful though...even if I did want to wake her up about 50 times. I find I struggle with this as a dad... do you wake the baby up and deal with cranky mood, or do you let her sleep 3 hours so she'll be happy – but then never go to sleep at night? It's a mystery for the ages. This time we let her sleep.

Since I have been relating this trip in terms of our meals for the most part, let's move on to lunch. We went to a sandwich place in a mall. A mall. I hate malls. I get automatic headaches just thinking about malls. But that's where we went, and I have to admit I am glad we did. The sandwich place uses this bread that is softer than marshmallows. They call it sourdough, but it wasn't – it was ungodly. We ate our little pieces of anti-diety, then made for the south of Kauai – to a place called Poipu...there were supposed to be tidepools there – but once we arrived, through a tunnel of Eucalyptus that covered the entire roadway, we found the tide really high, and all there was to do was hang out at the beach again in the beautiful weather with crystal waters and gorgeous skies overhead. Damn. Isla occupied her self for at least an hour in the surf with a little cup that she repeatedly filled and emptied onto her head, each time smiling like she just told the best joke in the entire world. I have come to find that Isla can be coaxed out of a tantrum with a couple of things- bodies of water to submerge in, and fruit snacks from Target. Both were on hand, which made for a phenomenal time. As we left this place, I overheard some teenage boys – probably on a summer break staying in parent's timeshare before college or something, discussing in detail what they would like to have happen with the teenage girls who were standing by the rocks. I looked at Isla, and vowed to invest in a double barrel shotgun upon our return, as insurance against teenage boys. I feel sorry for the first one who tries to pick her up for a date. Seriously.

By now it was getting late (Jesus, late now means 7 PM... what has happened to me?), so we just headed next door to the coconut marketplace for some grilled ono and shave ice # 3 of 7. Isla dressed for the part with a plumeria flower behind her ear, and wooed all the shopowners with hugs and kisses as she ran from us giggling. She is such a flirt. Anybody know a good shotgun store?

Day 2 Kauai

Day 2.

The night was tough. Isla is sicker than we thought, and coughed and cried through the night. It stopped around 3, when we gave her some Motrin – but still, we woke up around 530, due to jet lag and light from the balcony overlooking the ocean. The ocean is beautiful sleeping music, by the way. We woke up with some papaya and banana with our coffee, hung around the hotel room for awhile, then went to this cafe in Kapa'a that was supposed to have really good coffee and breakfast bagels – it was true – mine had sundried tomatoes, fresh basil, melted provolone, and pesto. Everything has its price, however, upon grabbing the coffee and attempting to garnish it with half and half, in itself a complicated dance between two people and their drinks, Isla grabbed the pile of napkins, which in turn caused Tegan to jostle her full to the brim with boiling hot coffee cup, and thus spilling said hot coffee onto the crook of my arm, where it pooled, cooking the sensitive flesh with aromatic liquid. This entire exchange was completely silent, save for a slight, sudden intake of air coming from my mouth. Ouch.


We walked across to the beach, after I sloughed off the burned skin from my inner elbow, and watched Isla play with the chickens (which are everywhere on this island – it is rumored that they were let loose from coops during a hurricane in the early nineties, and have flourished where there are no natural predators). At some point while sitting on this beach, drinking coffee and watching Isla, at 6 in the morning with shorts and flip flops, we both came to the conclusion that we have to live here on Kauai at some point. There is a Kaiser Hospital and plenty of schools. Shit, it just might happen. Seriously.


After this burning excursion complete with life altering revelations, we returned to the hotel to force Isla into a nap. This was successful on the seventh try of alternating between daddy and mommy as the sleep procurers. Mommy was the victor in this battle. Finally she slept, and I got to read a few more chapters of “Let the Right One In” because when I'm not baby herding, I like to catch up on my pre-teen vampires (no – not like Twilight jerkface, like Swedish horror – done really well). It's all beside the point, however, as Isla woke up all smiles and bubbles again, so we decided to go out to that most famous of Kauai landmarks, renown for its beauty and sheer encapsulation of what it is to be Hawaii: Wal-Mart.

The Wal Mart in Lehui is pretty much like a Wal Mart anywhere, minus the chickens in the parking lot. We needed a cheap stroller – so we got that and some grown folk snacks too. I was thwarted in my attempt to buy the Back to the Future trilogy for 10 dollars by a disapproving Tegan, who told me like it was: no movies Aaron. Whatever – I chose wasabi potato chips and she doesn't even like wasabi – so ha. Somehow I still don't feel like I won in that situation. Oh well.

It was now time for lunch, and since Isla's mood swings have made dining in a sit-down place virtually impossible – our options have been severely limited. I turned to a recommendation from a co-worker who has family here in Kauai and own a restaurant called the Barbecue Inn. So – we went down a street we hadn't gone before – and lo and behold there was the Inn itself, with nary a parking place, it was so popular. In we go, as the crowd began to thin, and ordered from the diner menu. I got a mahi mahi burger, Tegan had a teryaki chicken sandwich – both were awesome! Served with french fries, rice, coffee, salad, soup, and desert all for 20 bucks for the two of us. Even Isla was impressed with the fish – so all in all, a pretty outstanding lunch.

1:30 and it was beach time. We surveyed our trusty Kauai guidebook for good baby beaches, and found that the Lydgate Park beach was surrounded by boulders, and thus had no waves... sounds perfect – it was, almost. When we first arrived, the clouds had rolled in and the wind was blowing mercilessly. I was tempted to say “hey, it's cold” until I realized that we were in Hawaii, and would probably be beaten with pineapples. However, soon after the sun appeared again, and we were frolicking in the waveless pool like pros. Isla especially enjoyed drinking ocean water for the first time and shortly thereafter, vomiting ocean water for the first time. It was a thoroughly enjoyable 30 minutes or so in the water... but then, as they say – shit happens. Literally. As I was swimming to attack Isla “Jaws” style as she was playing in her mom's arms, Tegan pointed out something that was rapidly approaching my mock-roaring jaws. “I think that's poop.” She said nonchalantly, as if this foreign feces making a beeline for my mouth was not something to panic about. It was, and I did panic... apparently the downside of a beach for babies, is the tootsie roll surprises that find themselves moving with the tides. Needless to say – we left the beach and went to the playground nearby.

The playground was a majestic dark wood structure built by the community who thought that the kids deserved a obstacle course. I was pretty impressed. Isla was not. She spent about 4 minutes looking at the tire swing, and touching some of the wood – then was off across the field to chase the rooster (which she now makes a high pitched crowing sound whenever she sees them). I think rooster chasing is her new favorite thing of all time, besides defying her mother and father's wishes. In any case – we chased those roosters until her thirst for the hunt was quenched. Then back to the hotel, dunked in the pool – and dressed for dinner.

Isla's chosen dress was slightly inappropriate. It was too big for her, and the straps fell down more often than not, so she walked around like a hussy with her bosom showing most of the night. We need to raise our standards for her. We chose a vegetarian/seafood restaurant nearby – based on some reviews in the guide book again, although after the poop incident I was admittedly a little dubious. The restaurant was beautiful, to my relief – we ate outside surrounded by flowers and passionfruit, and the food was pretty good too – the vegetarian stuff was great, tofu pot stickers and silver noodle salad with peanut sauce, but the fish was kinda wack – a little overcooked and tough for ahi. Isla ate her noodles like a champ, and that was a welcome change from her finicky ways lately. After dinner, we went for shave ice and ice cream number 2 of 7, this time the flavors being lychee, mango and strawberry – Why they don't have this stuff in california is beyond me. It is so stupidly good. In a span of about ten seconds while eating this concoction with Isla, my shorts went from being clean and unsullied to extremely sullied after I was bombarded by one of the black birds with yellow beaks that are everywhere here – and who, judging by the look and consistency of it's missile, eat mostly hummus and black licorice (anyone guess what the theme of this post is?). Ah well, poop and all, I still have to admit that today was a good day. May tomorrow bring more. We'll see when I'm sure we all greet the dawn thanks to our new rooster loving daughter.

Hawaii, part 1

Day One Hawaii

Started off ridiculously early. We woke up at 3:30 AM and threw a very sleepy girl into the car with our stuff at 4... neither Tegan nor I getting more than a couple hours of sleep. Our flight to Arizona was at 6 – so we thought with all the rules and regulations we needed to get to the Oakland airport by 4:30. At around 4:45 we were waiting for our plane by the gate. So much for that. I waited with Isla running around for the coffee to steep into my bloodstream until 6 – so far, so good... as long as we wrangle the child, she seems content to run around looking at people. As an aside that will come into play later, I will mention one of said people – a woman in front of us in line at the airport Starbucks. I noticed her because in her basketball shorts, jordans, and fauxhauk, she looked astonishingly fashionable. It was weird to notice this, but I did. Anyway, the plane came – we got on FIRST (I guess there are a couple of perks to traveling with a toddler), sat down – ready to go! Plane took off – no whimpers or cries, excellent. About 15 minutes into the flight, she's asleep on Tegan and we look golden... then over the intercom on the plane: “Good morning, if there is a doctor or a nurse aboard the plane, please press your call light.” Shit. Wait 15 seconds, no call lights – Tegan I know is silently hoping a doctor, some senior nurse, maybe a vetrinarian will step up... no such luck. The call light is pressed, and the steward comes over to collect Tegan and bring her to the front, for what, I have no idea – I just get Isla transferred to me, who instantly wakes up and is offended that I am holding her and not her mama, and proceeds to let me know by wailing and forcing bubbles of snot out of her nose in protest. Rad. After about 40 minutes or so, a man saunters back toward my seat in the rear of the plane. He is well dressed, urban style, and has a brown hat with a tilted brim along with two noticeable diamond earrings. He sits down next to me and says that he was with the girl that Tegan is helping (remember the fashionable one from before? She turns out to be a dancer for The Dream on tour) had low blood pressure and possibly a seizure, and that Tegan is wonderful and helping her as we spoke. I replied: “cool. Now help me make her stop crying.” This, I believe, he took to mean “proceed to tell me about how you have the coolest job in the world and stuff.” I believe this because he began a monologue lasting a good 15 minutes about his job as a sound engineer and backlight expert for various R&B divas in the business on tour. He described in detail, and with accompanying cellphone pictures as evidence, the lavish tour busses with two living rooms and bunks in them, the trips to Jamiaca – where one would stay, paid, for two weeks while there was only one night to perform, the Keisha Cole incident where she gifted him an eleven thousand dollar low-rider bicycle because she had forgotten that she had it, and how R. Kelly is the worst diva of all of the divas. After being thoroughly bested by his stories – I made a feeble attempt at entertaining him by describing being a junior high teacher in East Oakland when Too Short and Keak da Sneak came to school for a talk – and he gave me the “that's nice” look and pursed-lipped “mmm hmmm.” But I think inside, he was dying of boredom.
At any rate, the man who now I wish I was kept Isla entertained with pictures of his own kids, and basically with animated speech for the rest of the flight. We arrived in Phoenix to a host of paramedics, and I finally got to see Tegan again, who upped me on the dancer's condition, which was scared, and uninsured, but she thought basically OK. The layover was two and a half horrendous hours of waiting where we realized that with the new independence and new cold Isla got before we left, that she had turned into a really loud toddler who screams when things aren't exactly her way... which in itself wouldn't be so bad, if we knew what her way meant.
I will refrain from going into details about the flight from Phoenix to Lehui, but I will just say that apparently we went backwards, because going to Phoenix added an hour to a normally five hour flight. And even though Isla slept for three of the six, the other three made the flight one that I would rather not repeat – oh wait, we have to go back.
So – we arrived in Lehui around 2 PM, Hawaii time – by now both of us are exhausted from no sleep and constant baby wrangling. The first thing Isla does on her own in Hawaii is sprint from my grasp at the car rental place – spin a nice pirhouette into the glass door, fall down and get bruise number 3 on her forehead. Awesome. We drive post-haste in our rented silver PT cruiser to the hotel and hot-foot it to a barbecue place because we are both starving. By the way – did anybody else know that they stopped giving out even snacks on flights? Ridiculous. OK. Now, food in stomach, headache receding, shave ice with macadamia nut icecream number one consumed, we feel halfway decent. Isla is of course, her usual outgoing self, and has made friends with a number of locals and tourists alike – one of whom, a tattooed grungy looking man with missing teeth, stopped to serenade her with a surprisingly well-intoned version of a Jack Johnson song, which she listened to with great interest.
Now refreshed, but still tired, we slung bathing suits on and hit the pool, while Hawaii tried its best to be the bay area for us with grey skies and wind – but we would not be dissuaded. Isla loved the pool, as is to be expected now – and with her blow up starfish floatee thingy. She was a swimming fool.
After the pool – bedtime the first night. I fell asleep at 8 – the girls had been asleep for two hours already.