We used to talk about how fun it would be to have our own house together, our own life. I used to sleep with your scrunchie under my pillow. It was light blue & it kept your perfume for months. I used to get butterflies before I walked into school just because I knew I'd see you, same thing during 4th period right before lunch. I spent hours making mix tapes for you, agonizing over the song choice & order. During one of our marathon late night phone calls, I remember you saying that you wished we could wake up next to each other every morning. I remember that longing, how it almost hurt to think about.
I wake up next to you every morning. It does not hurt to think about, it just feels gigantic, like I can't hold it all in my arms.
Holding back tears in a shitty internet cafe in Jakarta!
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