7/23/12
There are only a few sacred places in a man's home when he has a family. These are places such as the couch at 1 AM watching a vet show on Animal Planet and crying so hard when a German Shepard has to be put to sleep that your throat hurts for a couple of days. Or the "junk drawer" in the garage (which you may use your own imagination to place objects in, mine is still sacred). Or the bathroom during poopy time.
This last one is no longer sacred to me. I lament this loss, as these times used to be able to be extended into the half hour to forty five minute chunks of blissful alone time, now, even with two bathrooms, me doing the business has turned into just another lane on the busy ass highway of life with two kids.
Today I took the ipad into the bathroom, looking for a cool 10 minutes or so of defecating and words with friends (sorry if it was your game I was pooping while demolishing you). Instead, I had Isla wander in (the lock is useless) and put a temporary tattoo on while saying "Daddy, what are you doing?"
"pooping, I'd like some privacy."
"oh, yeah. I'm just going to put my tattoo on though."
"can't you use the other bathroom?"
"I like the water in here better."
(deep, mournful sigh).
Next, my lovely wife entered the bathroom to tidy up WHILE I AM SHITTING. Please, please can I have a little bit of me time? I realize our days are ridiculously busy with two kids, but COME ON! After an exasperated "how long are you going to be?" I finally was left alone again, until my recently scooting 10 month old shoved open the door with a high pitched "AaaaaaAAaaaaah!" to announce his arrival and the subsequent complete dismantling of my privacy while pooping.
At least I still have my late night private animal planet sessions - I read that there's a special about baby koalas soon - I'll get the hanky ready.
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