10/7/12
After going shopping this weekend, I realized I need to update my list of things that suck. These are not in order of importance, or even how many times I would punch myself in the throat, but just the top few situations, places, people and things that make me contemplate suicide by self brutalization:
1. Halloween stores that pop up everywhere this time of year, full of cheap ass costumes, screaming animatronic witches and skeletons, and fake spiderwebs. No, I don't want to be assaulted by a cackling demon or disembodied head doing a god-awful rap version of the Monster Mash.
2. When dogs eat cat poop. That is so disgusting dog, you should be ashamed of yourself. You are a disgrace to your breed.
3. Babies that reach into their own diapers while on the changing table. Seriously? Just wait to play with your penis until I wipe up all the feces, kid.
4. Whining. Holy crap I hate whining. Every time my daughter starts to whine, I feel like a needle point of white hot laser is boring into my cranium. It takes all I have not to grab a bat and pound my own head shapeless.
5. Club owners. Pay your talent, jerkwads. That way they'll come back and bring more people too.
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