I went to the DMV to renew my license today, something that I thought I had already done online. When I called first to figure out what was happening, since I went through the entire renewal process online, and have been driving with an expired license since my birthday, I was told that my payment was never processed, so they never issued a renewal. Can't somebody tell a motherf***er instead of just letting me wait the six weeks it's supposed to take, only to find out it was a glitch? Apparently not.
Luckily, I was able to stash Isla with my cousin, and I only had to bring Milesy with me. We arrived at the DMV, this bastion of humanity, and immediately I saw that the line was already "Disneylandified" which is a word I just made up which refers to the labyrinthine post and rope system of herding people that has been devised by some horrible person to cram as many people into as small a place as possible. So not only are you standing right behind some stinky person, you are flanked by two as well. Thanks engineers. I took my place, probably 40 people back from the "Start Here" sign which had a god damned smiley face after it - text style, like this :). I wanted to rip it off it's stupid frame. Anyway, I stood there for about five minutes until the line moved one person. Whatever, it's the DMV, I was prepared for this. I had a bag full of Cheerios for miles, and a ton of ridiculous people to look at, which is what this post will be about. Here are the people I noticed:
- A man with a motorcycle helmet, still on, wearing blue short-shorts and a Hawaiian shirt with a floral Hello Kitty pattern.
- A Latina woman with a tattoo of a grizzly bear roaring on her neck and upper back - like this:- four members of what looked like the douchiest boy band ever. They had Jersey Shore guido hairdos and each of them had on Jordan brand shorts, strap sandals, and v-neck t-shirts and gold chains. It looked like what would happen if the Backstreet Boys started a basketball team.
- A teenage girl with the word: "Dangerus" tattooed on her neck.
- A 400+ pound man with male pattern baldness who still liked to rock long hair off the sides and back, wearing yellow happy face suspenders, jeans up to his sternum, and a Ben & Jerry's T-Shirt.
- A three or four year old boy wearing a stormtrooper mask.
- at least six elderly people with oxygen tanks.
- A woman with a gold cane, topped with a huge fake diamond. She was wearing a light blue velour tracksuit and a greenish blonde wig.
- Me and Miles.
We got to the front, and when the woman told me the wait was going to be more than two hours to turn in my paperwork, as much as I wanted to hang out with this Motley Crew, I had to go. Bummer.
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