5/13/12
Anybody remember this movie? I am living this movie as we speak. I apologize for the rant like nature of my posts recently, but I'd be lying if I tried to come off in any other manner. I feel like ranting.
All I really wanted to do today was cook my mom and my mother in law a nice brunch with huevos rancheros and mimosas. I got to do that, so I guess I can't complain too much - but in the meantime, we needed some hot water up in here, so I called the gas company to turn on our gas. We had fixed the deadly leak that probably would have blown up our whole block, then got this technician to come out yesterday to turn on our gas. This fu**in' guy. He must have just graduated from the gas academy last week, because he showed up in spiffy new coveralls, wearing kneepads, elbow pads, a freaking helmet, and some kind of body armor like robocop. He walked through the house with a checklist making suggestions about our windows and the dampers for the fireplace, and then stood there watching me fix them, saying that he would have to charge us 50 bucks for each of these inane fixes if I didn't do them right then and there. I normally wouldn't submit myself to this kind of ridicule, but my baby needed a hot shower, so I grit my teeth and fixed shit. THEN, this man goes out to the box at the street, and proceeds to tell us he can't turn the gas on because the line on our side, WHICH WAS PUT IN THAT DAY, was not made of the regulation material, and we'd have to call out the plumber again, to put it in today. I almost punched him in the neck, but thought better of it, since the priority was getting hot water.
This brings us to today. The plumber, a family friend came out on Mother's Day to fix the line. He did it exactly to specification. Sweet. I called the gas company. "Please turn on the gas," I said, "My baby's sick and we need to boil his sheets." The lady said no. I refused to accept this answer and ranted and raved until the supervisor at the gas company relented. "You're sure you did everything to specifications?" she asked. "You sure I won't reach through the phone and rip out your larynx?" I replied. (or something slightly less murderous). "We'll have a guy out there today." "Yes you will."
The guy comes. He's a stand up guy. He turns on the gas, apologetically. Then, checks the water heater - check. The gas dryer - check. He comes inside, where there is NO GAS TO ANY OF OUR APPLIANCES. Wait... what?
Yeah, apparently we cut a line that was spliced into the gas main, so we only get gas to the outside of the house. Sweet. Start over. Oh, and when I started cleaning the dishes from the Mother's day brunch, I was super stoked to try out the dishwasher, which promptly leaked a river into the living room.
You have won this battle, house. And the war will be long and costly, but mark my words, demon dwelling, I will prevail. Oh yes, I will prevail. After my wife's paycheck, that is.
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